Staying Out of Crazyland

Resisting the reality that is – is where your suffering comes from. ~Nate Berkus

The gap between the land of ‘what I thought should happen’ and the land of ‘what is happening’ is tiny and enormous at the same time. This is something I’ve learned over the last 3 years since my sister, Daryl died.  I usually write: since she returned to the Universe but lately I’ve started using ‘die’ when speaking or writing about her passing. And that took 3 years. My sister and I were/are very close. I say are because I still feel her – sometimes more intense than others. Love never dies, it just changes.

The gap for me between ‘what I thought should happen’ and ‘what is happening’ is: Crazyland. When you try to stay in the land of ‘what should have happened’ you spend all your time asking questions and/or making bold statements: Why didn’t I know something was wrong? I should have known something was wrong. I should have done more research online – even though she asked me not to. Why didn’t I just do it anyway? If I had done the research maybe we could have traveled to Arkansas where they have a multiple melanoma hospital. Why didn’t I ask her if she wanted to say anything towards the end? This question is the worse because I always forget I was in denial. I just knew I was going to find a clinical trial that would save her life. 

All those questions and statements in the end serve no purpose. My sister is gone. That is my new reality and while it is painful it is the truth. I must live in the land of ‘what is happening.’ The land of what I believe ‘should have happened’ serves me no purpose, except to make me crazy, stressed, unhappy and sad.  I know for sure Daryl would not want me to be any of those things.

So I have chosen to reside in the land of ‘what is happening.’  While it may not be easy some days I make it happen by feeling the emotions that erupt, move through them and keep going.

Peace, Love & Light to you.

Valerie xoxoxoxoxo

I'm Back

Today I’ve decided to return to my blog – I was just scrolling through my FB feed and said to myself: Go and blog. 

This post will be short as I need to do some NOVEL WRITING.  I’ve been good about writing a little each day. Found a great photo with a message to post on my wall by the computer:

            Secret To Writing a Bestseller:

            You write.

            You stop dreaming about writing.

            You stop talking about writing.

            Stop wishing you were writing.

            And you write.  --Jonathan Gunson

It’s working!

The one for sure thing I do want to say today is: Love the folks in your life. Tell them. Show them.

The last few months have been the prime example of life being short. Death seems to be stalking my world lately.  And everyone who has passed was under the age of 50! I told my mom that when she was my age I don’t remember her going to some many funerals – not that I’ve gone to all of them, since Daryl returned to the Universe I’ve only been to two funerals, they are just too hard for me. My mom thought about my observation and realized I was right. The funerals she attended were for older relatives not her peers.

Peers dying so young can get inside your head and play tricks with you and your fears. I’ve asked myself the following questions: Do I have enough time? Am I doing what I am supposed to be doing? When am I going die?

Before I go completely off the rails I emotionally shake myself and say: When it’s your time it will be your time. Your job will be done whether or not you knew what it was. So just keep moving forward, enjoy each day, be grateful and love your people Valerie!  Some days it works and other days when it doesn’t some Haagen-Dazs Butter Pecan will do.

So in closing find what makes you feel good – do it and Love your people! 

What is on my Mind today?!

Today/this Moment I am thinking about: Love

When I say Love I mean Real Love, at least what I consider Real Love. We and by we, I mean women have been taught a different story/definition of love.  I'm not saying that guys have it all figured out because Lord knows that is so not true. But we girls are taught consciously and most definitely unconsciously at a very early age to dream about that man who will come along and make it all alright.  And you better get him to kiss you awake before you are too old.  While boys are taught to sow those wild oats before settling down and no worries about having babies because men can make babies forever.  Sidebar: Don’t believe the hype boys.  
 
Unfortunately so many folks, of both genders, have no idea what Love is.  Eyes have been clouded and in some cases just plain poked out.  The worst part about this thing called Love is: Folks don't even realize they can drop their old, borrowed ideas/notions/philosophies and make new ones; ones that fit their heart and lives.  Life is too short to keep working someone else's plan and beliefs.  
So I guess this is the part where I share what Love is to me – ugh!  Rather than say what Love is NOT I will play fair and allow you a peek into my brain and heart.  One of my favorite sayings about L-O-V-E goes something like: loving in such a way your partner feels free.  I know it sounds real cutesy but imagine if we could do that.  

No strangling someone with your love, no making them feel guilty because they owe you their love for some crazy-ass reason, no jealously, no worrying when they walk out the door, not easy but all that stuff I just typed is way too much for me and I do not participate in that kind of behavior aka drama.  Sure we all get jealous sometimes but that kind of emotion should NOT be the basis of your relationship.  I’ve never thought jealousy was cute. Some people do. Not me.

So to get specific on what Love is to me here we go: creating a space between two people where each person can be themselves, speak their truths and I don’t mean share all your shit because I have found that most folks mistake sharing all their shit with intimacy, a little FYI: it is not the same. Loving someone means wanting the best for your partner – realizing that as they rise you rise.  No holding anyone back.

I believe when you are in love with & love someone you and your love should help them be the best they can be and they should be doing the same for you.  Romantic Love is okay but it is not lasting.  Romance comes and goes during any relationship so you have to have that Real Love to see you through when you are looking at him with your head tilted and asking yourself: Why am I with him? Oh yeah I love him. Real Love him.

In order to get Real Love for another person first and foremost you have to Love yourself.  If you can’t do this how can, you love anyone? You have to love your stuff.

And know the difference between romance and steady Love.

And most important to me: Love should not be mediocre – oh hell no! 

You can have passionate love and live in the real world – you know that place where bills have to be paid and kids have to be raised. You just have to work at it.  No one is coming to sweep you off your feet.  Besides who wants to live in the clouds? Not me.

Okay that’s all I got!

Peace, Love & Light to you all as we all search for the Love that is best for each of us…